Modern dating terms, explained: a Halloween glossary of zombieing, caspering, orbiting and more
A Halloween guide to modern dating terms: what zombieing, caspering, orbiting, breadcrumbing and love bombing mean, what research says about them and how to protect yourself.
Modern dating has its own Halloween cast. Some people disappear without a trace, some rise from the dead six months later, and some just watch your stories from the dark. This glossary explains eight modern dating terms, what researchers know about each one, and what to do when it happens to you.
These dating terms describe common experiences. In one study of 328 dating app users, 85% said they had been ghosted (Timmermans, Hermans and Opree, 2021; not a representative sample). The slang sounds like a joke. The feelings behind it are real.
Dating terms in this glossary
Dating terms for people who vanish
Ghosting
Ghosting is ending contact without any explanation: no reply, no call, just silence. In a pair of Italian experiments, the sting of being ghosted lasted longer than an outright rejection. Rejected participants began to recover, while ghosted ones stayed stuck, as PsyPost reported. More in our research on ghosting and situationships.
How to spot it: the chat stops mid-conversation, your messages are read, and nothing comes back.
Caspering
Caspering is a slow, friendly version of ghosting. Replies get shorter and slower, invitations get politely declined, until the chat quietly dies. Writing in Psychology Today, physician and columnist Bruce Y. Lee argues it may be no kinder than ghosting, because it “draws out the deception”.
How to spot it: “let’s do it some other time”, again and again, with warm emojis and no new date.
Dating terms for people who come back
Zombieing
Zombieing is when someone who ghosted you suddenly reappears, as if nothing happened, usually with no apology. Dictionary.com traces press coverage of the term back to at least 2017.
How to spot it: “hey stranger” or a like on an old photo after months of silence, with no word about where they went.
Dating terms for people watching from the shadows
Orbiting
Orbiting is when someone stops replying but keeps watching your social media. In a study of 208 young adults in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Pancani and colleagues found people go through four stages after orbiting or ghosting: surprise and confusion; anger, sadness and guilt; trying to repair things; and finally acceptance. Both behaviours, they concluded, work as forms of ostracism.
How to spot it: they’re first on your story viewers list but haven’t answered a message in weeks.
Benching
Benching is keeping someone in reserve, with just enough attention that they don’t walk away. It gets plenty of magazine coverage and almost no research, so treat any confident benching statistic with suspicion.
How to spot it: they always reply, but never suggest meeting, and plans fall through at the last minute.
Red flag dating terms: the ones in disguise
Catfishing
Catfishing is pretending to be someone else online: other people’s photos, an invented life. It is the most dangerous mask in this glossary, because it is often step one of a romance scam. See what the official figures show in our romance scam statistics.
How to spot it: photos that look too polished, a video call that keeps getting postponed, and an early push to move to WhatsApp or Telegram.
Love bombing
Love bombing is overwhelming someone with affection from day one: constant messages, grand declarations, gifts. Psychology Today describes it as a manipulative pattern that can build dependence and often flips into coldness or control. Intent is hard to judge, and sometimes it is genuine enthusiasm, so watch what happens next.
How to spot it: “you’re the one” within days, and sulking or pressure when you want to slow down.
How to protect yourself
- A few days of silence after an active chat is an answer. You don’t have to solve it.
- You owe a returning ghost nothing. If you do reply, ask directly what happened.
- Story views aren’t a conversation. Hide your stories from that person if it bothers you.
- Fast declarations plus requests for money, a move to another messenger or a “temporary” loan: stop and verify the profile.
- Before meeting, run through our first date safety guide.
- If you want out yourself, a short “thanks, but this isn’t for me” beats any ghost. Some apps now nudge people to close conversations: Hinge, for example, has tested limits on unanswered chats.
Dating terms: frequently asked questions
What does zombieing mean in dating?
Zombieing means someone who ghosted you comes back without explaining the disappearance, as if nothing happened.
What is the difference between ghosting and caspering?
Ghosting is a sudden silence. Caspering is a slow, friendly fade with the same ending.
What is orbiting in dating?
Orbiting means someone has stopped messaging you but still views your stories and likes your posts. It does not necessarily mean they are interested, so judge by actions.
Which dating terms are red flags?
Catfishing and love bombing are the most serious, because both are common early stages of romance scams and controlling relationships.
Got a dating horror story? Tell us, under a pen name if you like.
Sources
- Timmermans, Hermans and Opree, ghosting among dating app users, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2021
- PsyPost on Telari, Pancani and Riva, ghosting versus rejection
- Pancani et al., ghosting and orbiting, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2021
- Spanish study of ghosting and breadcrumbing among 18 to 40-year-olds
- International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, breadcrumbing and wellbeing
- Dictionary.com, zombieing
- Psychology Today, Bruce Y. Lee on caspering, November 2023
- Psychology Today, love bombing
- Hinge, Your Turn Limits test, May 2024
Cover photo: Eleni Petrounakou / Unsplash
